The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
