I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
