well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize