if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
