Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
