Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
