We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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