i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
