You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
