how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
