Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
