he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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