It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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