I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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