You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Two words: blizzard sex
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize