When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
