Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
