My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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