I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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