I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
