My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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