shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Randomize
