But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
