i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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