someone owes me an orgasm
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
