I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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