So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
