The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
