it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
