i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize