I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
