Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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