I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
