You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Who wears a wallet chain?!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
