Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
