What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I need to stop coming to work sober
time to smoke my breakfast
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
