The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
