i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
