My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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