my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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