Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
