I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize