Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
