i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
