You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
