so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize