I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
