i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
