What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
