Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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