the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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