the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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