i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
