Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
