I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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