I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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