I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize