i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Randomize
