who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Don't make out with my wife yet
I want to make a zoo with you.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
