It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
