I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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