Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
