My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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