Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
sarcasm needs its own font
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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