he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
