What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
