Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize