Don't make out with my wife yet
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
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