Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She made me pour olive oil on her.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
