I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
