and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
