dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
