Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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