Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
