Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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