he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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