if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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