Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
