You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
