did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Help me help you realize you are a moron
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
