Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
