You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
