Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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