my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
