the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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