My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
