He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Dicks are not precious.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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