Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
