dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
