I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
