The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
