Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
