I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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