You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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