Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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