i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
