Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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