how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
