youre lurking in front of me
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You're a waste of cheezeits
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
