nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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