Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
