The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
