One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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