they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I need to calm my uterus...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
