Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
