I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
