She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
there is puke in my bra ... again
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