If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
