She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
